PolySE FAQ

Because we don't archive the PolySE mailing list, some of the collective information/culture doesn't always get transferred to new members very well. Those of us who have been on the net (especially in poly forums) for a long time start assuming "well, everybody knows that!" - forgetting that we, too, had to learn "it" at some point. In an attempt to communicate some of that information to new members, we've finally started an FAQ. If you see something missing that you think should be here, let us know and we'll try to add the information or at least a pointer to where we've found it.

What kind of posts are appropriate on the list?

Almost anything, really, except personal or commercial advertisements. Okay, don't send all those forwarded jokes or chain letters to the list either. But that's about it. Post about yourself, your life, how polyamory is working for you, how it isn't working for you, what you wish you'd known before you started, etc.

But where can I post an ad?

If you want to post a personal ad, you can join the PSEPersonals list. If you want to post a commercial ad for yourself or your business, please find an appropriate forum elsewhere. We do want to know about events and announcements with poly content or direct relevance.

What about off-topic posts?

We haven't had a problem with those, really - although the list has degenerated into exchanges of one-line flirts at times, to the extent that some listmembers have complained. For that reason, we ask that you take Wes' words about fluff to heart.

What do SO and LDR and sie and those other weird words mean?

Sometimes we forget that the shorthand we use isn't common to everyone - yet. SO means "significant other." OSO is "other significant other" (as in your girlfriend's boyfriend). LDR means "long distance relationship." Sie is a gender-neutral third-person pronoun (like he or she). You'll find much more information in the Poly Acronyms List and the Gender Neutral Pronoun FAQ.

I want to send a really neat post from the list to my SO/mom/other list ...

Don't. If you know someone who should be on the list, let sie know about it and sie can join for hirself. If you just really, really need to share something posted to the list with someone who isn't on the list and has no reason to join the list (or just won't join), email the poster privately (off the list, at his or her private email address, which you will find in the headers of the message you want to forward) and ask permission to forward it. It's about both privacy and courtesy.

It's okay if I tell my other poly group about an event announced on the list, right?

No, it isn't. You can ask if it's an open event, but that goes into the prior issue about forwarding messages from the list to someone who isn't on the list - even if it's another poly group. If you want to invite someone who isn't on the list to an event announced on the list, email the host/ess and ask.

How private is this list?

Well, we do our best - but we can't guarantee that what you say here (or anywhere else on the net) won't get back to your boss or your in-laws or whoever you worry about most. Ron had some excellent advice about "The difference between paranoia ... and Realistic Paraonia^TM": - please read his words and give them serious thought.

What is the "PolySouthEast Council"?

The founders of PolySE :-) Actually, it isn't an official body, but there are fewer than ten people who got PolySE off the ground and we're occasionally referred to as "the council." We run the web site and the mailing list. No, we don't vote people in and out of the group - but the one time someone actually acted in such a way that we would have considered kicking sie out of the group, sie removed hirself before we could have acted anyway.

So what would someone have to do to get kicked out? Theoretically?

We aren't going to make a list - you know what's reasonable. Play nice. Believe us, it's a small community, and if you're abusive or a jerk, people will know. Quickly. No, it isn't a popularity contest - there are people in the group now that various members of the council just don't like. That doesn't mean we'd kick them out, though - it would pretty much have to be a safety issue for that to come up.

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